After scrolling down my timeline on Facebook, I noticed there were a number of people focused on their image. They ensured the filters would extenuate their looks and stood at the perfect angle to take the picture. Though we did not have Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter in the 80’s & 90’s, many of us struggled with our appearance. We would walk past the magazine stands and see the thin models on the cover with the perfect face. I would compare myself to what I saw on the magazine and television. I was bullied in my childhood for being a big girl and after countless incidents of classmates picking with me. I began to cover up my body with a jacket throughout most of my childhood. I remember getting in trouble for wearing a Dallas Cowboys coat with my school pictures but I wanted to keep my body covered. In my mind I thought covering my body would prevent the cackling’s of my peers. Of course my mother did not know the daily pressures of going to school and being bullied because of my size.
It took quite some time to realize that I was beautifully and wonderfully made. I heard this scripture preached from the pulpit but it did not register in my heart until my late thirties. The book of Psalms 139: 13-14 states, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well (KJV). At thirty-nine years old I finally know that I am beautiful. Every part of me was formed by Abba and each day he allows me to wake up, I choose to thank him. I don’t remind myself of the years of bullying from my fellow peers. But I wake up by the grace of God and speak his word over me. Yes it would be awesome to lose a couple pounds, get rid of the stretch marks and fit into that fitted red dress. But for the first time in my life, I am embracing the beauty of of who I am. I am beautiful and loved by God. He made me who I am and I honor him for who he is.
I struggled with low self-esteem for years because of bullying and how I felt about myself. It was in a moment of transparency with the Lord that he had to heal and deliver me from the pain of my past. He had to show me in his word that I was accepted and loved. There was no need to long to look like the models on the magazine covers and music videos. He uniquely designed, shaped and molded me to be who he called for me to be. So now I take the time to say thank you Lord for loving me and honor him because I feel beautiful!